The Emperor's lament

Oh tell me how they read my story By only the page where the blood was spilled For no one turns to the chapters before Where my hands first learned to tremble They call me reckless A fool who mistook steel for wisdom A knight who wounded those he swore to keep While believing every strike was righteous Oh but they never saw my eyes They were never fixed upon the battlefield I chased monsters beyond the horizon Monsters that vanished whenever the sun returned If only I had opened them If only I had heard your voice, My Empress Not crying for another victory Not asking me to draw my sword Begging me to come home If only I had lowered my blade Long enough to see your tears Long enough to realise That not every silence hid an enemy I built battlefields where there were gardens I declared wars where there were only conversations I sharpened my sword against ghosts And wondered why my hands came back stained "Monster!" "Madman!" "Coward!" Not because I wished to become one But because I feared becoming nothing And so I fought everything Even the things that loved me Oh I swung with my eyes closed Again And again And again Each "victory" buried another tomorrow Each "triumph" that silenced an apology Each step forward carried me farther from home Until there was nothing left to conquer Except myself Now I stand where the banners no longer fly Where the armour has grown too heavy to wear And I ask the silence the only question it never answers What if I had listened What if I had seen What if I had fought for my kingdom Instead of against my own peace Oh perhaps I could have been more than a knight Perhaps I could have become an Emperor But a crown cannot be placed upon an empty head And a man who never learns to be home Will never know what kingdom he was truly fighting for...